Three days from the winter solstice finds me contemplating the value of going within, becoming quiet and sitting in the stillness within myself. I have recently, like so many others, found myself ushering in the solstice with the frenzy of Christmas insanity. I have avoided people, stayed out of stores and worked diligently to stay in the solitude of our mountain home. Even so, there have been moments in retail outlets that made me want to throw down my purchases and run to my car screaming, "Let me out! Let me out!"

So today I find the snow a winter blessing. I ventured out with my photography gear and felt the light kiss of snowflakes as they caressed my face. The silence--profound silence--created a peace within my mind and soul that has taken me to a place of awareness, a place of remembering.

Winter reminds us to go within. From this place of quiet and stillness, we can rest, recharge and experience a rebirth of the Light...we can experience Christmas.

I wept as I ate my pasta, fresh spinach and cheese. And I continued to weep as the reality of that statistic sunk deeper into my consciousness.

Forty-nine MILLION people in the United States of America do not know where their next meal is coming from. There is something insanely wrong when we can spend billions of dollars in oil-laden countries trying to make our presence known there. And are indulging in the most wasteful spending in those places.  Did you know that we, the People of the USA, are paying corporations that hire contractors 1 million dollars for each contractor in Iraq a year. They make NOTHING close to that...no where NEAR that amount. So the corporations are raking in the dough from the war. And people are going hungry in our backyards.

As I sat and watched the rest of the show, which was all about food and Thanksgiving, I tried to wrap my brain around the idea of not knowing where my next meal was coming from. Sure, there have been scary financial times for me years ago when I wondered how I would ever find the money to support myself and my daughter, but thankfully I never doubted that food would be there. Somehow I always trusted that there would be food on the table for both of us. I wonder how many of us can actually understand what it means to not know where our next meal will come from....if you stop and think about it, does it not make you sad? And angry! BILLIONS of dollars spent on wasteful war spending and people in our country are hungry.

Yes, I'm on a soapbox. I'm angry and I am sad. How have our priorities gotten so screwed up? Reminds me of the song by Pink, Dear Mr. President. I'm actually sitting here shaking my head. I think about when I've been working really hard physically and skip a  meal and how hungry I feel. I can walk into my house and fix a meal or drive to town and grab a bite. But what must it feel like to not have the resources to do that simple, life-sustaining action? I truly cannot imagine....thankfully!

I am fed up with our warped priorities, deeply saddened by the suffering in country yet grateful to know where to send my prayers of compassion and love.

This thanksgiving I will spend the morning in prayer for those who have no food. I will open my heart and mind and send them love and pray for our priorities to be righted.

Ray is a firefighter. His job is to protect trailers filled with water. There is really nothing else to do. There are some trailers where troops live and a few inspections that have to be done to insure fire code adherence but other than that, it's a forgotten place. Internet service is undependable and water is almost non-existent.

The US military constructed a pipeline from a lake and installed a huge pump that supplied water to the base. When the troops pulled out, the US government turned the pump over to the Iraqi government but forgot to stipulate that they still had to supply the base with water. The Iraqi's basically said, too bad, and so the base doesn't have water.

I wonder about the attitude the Iraqi government has.  During the past two weeks they started imposing a $100 tax per seat for every passenger on airlines. This seems to be a direct retaliation for the US withdrawing tens of millions of dollars from the Iraqi government that was intended to pay Iraqi electricians, plumbers and contractors but was going to insurgents instead...supposedly going to insurgents. The US awarded those contracts to the company that Ray is working for but we'll never really know the full story. Perhaps the corporations knew the right people who could pull a few strings. War is good for business, you know?

I've worked with many young men and a few young women returning from serving in the military in Iraq. Some of the guys have shared stories that make me want to vomit. I'm not kidding. One of them has a Facebook page and has posted photographs of him squatting over a dead Iraqi he has killed. it is gruesome. It is disturbing. And his caption is (referring to Iraq) The Only Place I Can Be Myself.

These are stories of intense cruelty and yet these kids were taught to kill, taught they couldn't trust anyone. The extremes some of them went to included running over vehicles of innocent people, killing livestock, and destroying property and murdering innocents is disturbing. Certainly some of it was justified in their minds if terrorists were involved. But that's not what concerns me. It's the thoughtless cruelty without feeling or having a conscience that disturbs me. And the fact that these young men and women sign a contract which keeps them from writing about their experiences or being interviewed for 35 years after they leave the military. Is our government that afraid that these stories will get out and we'll really discover what is happening? And will I be silenced for speaking up? 

I can't place all the blame on the soldiers. They are trained to kill, they kill and then come home and want to kill more. I cannot tell you the number of guys I've heard say things like, "I just need to kill something," or "If they just ship us back every 6 months and let us kill someone, we'd be fine." What is the military doing to care for these US citizens, our CHILDREN, coming home with this kind of mental and emotional damage?

After hearing many of the stories I am not surprised that the Iraqi government is sticking it to our military bases and the private contractors. The same thread of desire to conquer and destroy runs through our society just as it did when the Native Americans were all but annihilated. What is this devilish disease that festers in our hearts and minds and pushes to make others conform to our beliefs, our morals? But what morals?

The more I hear about what is really going on in Iraq, the more I realize that it's not only the darkness in the hearts of terrorists, it's darkness within our own hearts and minds that keeps us in this war. It takes two to fight, right? We must collectively claim our mistakes, our true motives and ask forgiveness, not from the terrorists but from our own children who we have sent to fight an enemy that we helped create.

Fundamentalists exist in all walks of life, in every country and in every religion. Let us not cast stones, for all have sinned against the true message that our country claims to be founded on, one of Love and tolerance. 

I stand beside our soldiers, I hurt with them, I grieve the atrocities they have committed. And on a deeper level, I grieve the depths of darkness our government has fallen to to start a war and to then ignore the casualties of that war that walk among us, angry, confused and lost.

There are dust devils in Iraq and then...there are just devils.

First, I am not a supporter of the war and never have been. I DO support our troops and have no issues with our soldiers who have been called to serve there. It's the politics behind the war that makes me wary.

Secondly, I would not give up my country, my home for a year to work in a war zone no matter how great the pay is...and the pay is considerable for contract employees to go put their lives in jeopardy to work there. But the conditions are very difficult. I suppose that's why they call it a war zone.

Lastly, I spent time working for a huge corporation several years ago and learned that mega corporations are the last place I would want to find myself. Working for state governments taught me about good-ole-boy politics. Working for a corporation showed me the insidious, slimy politics of Korporate Amerika. It ain't for me.

But here's the deal: I love my husband. So how can I stand in the way of following his dream to work there? The decision to support him was relatively easy. Dealing with the aftermath of that decision has been a very trying experience.

We've lived in different geographic locations over the past three years but every Friday was like a turning point in my week. That was the day we'd begin our weekend together. Now Friday's piss me off.

He has suffered a great deal since arriving in Baghdad. Almost two weeks in a tent with 19 other guys, sleeping on a cot....140 degree heat during the day, dust storms that keep the sky dirty, disorganization that has bordered on hysterical, intestinal difficulties from the water, living behind 15 high concrete barricades...not a happy place. But it is a war zone. 

And this past week, in an effort to keep him busy while waiting for a flight to his base--one he thought would never happen, he was placed in Logistcs working to hydro test SCBA's. The same job he hated, despised, loathed that he did after retiring as a firefighter in Greensboro. The geographical cure didn't work.

It hasn't been easy for Ray-- A gentle soul adjusting to war, a perfectionist to the max learning to deal with an imperfect military and corporation, a husband and father being a world away from those he loves.

I have witnessed some of his suffering through our video chats and then I have had my own feelings to deal with--fear, anger, depression with small glimpses of light and love from friends and family who love us both. 

I don't like the distance, the danger or to see my husband hurting so....but I support him in his desire to be there, whatever his reasons. This is his journey and even if I don't like it, I support him and love him. 

I think about soldiers who are not getting paid much of anything to be there, who have lived in humvee's for days at a time in the 140 degree heat, who are 19 and 20 years of age and are being trained to kill an enemy they cannot see and then brought home and expected to adjust to status quo. 

War--the corporations get rich, the soldiers get scarred for life and for what outcome? I have no answers but I can't help but believe that there are other solutions that would better serve our country and those we impose our beliefs on....but that's just me and I'm adjusting to war.

These walls once stood as saplings under summer sun and drank in sunrise as it kissed them awake with its warm touch. They stood under starlight as it tickled their green, feathery needles. Minerals and nutrients of the soil are embedded in their fibers and surround me as I sit and watch morning light stream in the window.

This house has sheltered us from cold and sun, from winter winds and summer storms. Before us, it sheltered my husband. Before him, a family of four and before them, to soldiers serving our country. It has given us a place to grow and heal, a haven in which to laugh and play.

It sits on 18 acres of hardwood forest and open meadow that has provided a home for other families. We have witnessed deer frolic in the backyard, fox eat popcorn we scattered for birds. Hawks have raised their young in branches of these pine wall's kin. Green snakes have satisfied their thirst by saucers of water held by our hands. We have lived in harmony with this land and Her creatures.

She nurtured us and in return we have nurtured Her. A sanctuary of love and respect was created in our hearts and it blossomed to include our home and the trees, creeks, and hills that lie within imaginary boundaries of this place.

As we uproot ourselves from this place, may the joy and happiness it evoked in us remain, soaked into the walls as surely as the sunshine and rain are there, woven into pine fibers.

With gratitude we hold this sacred place. With love we bless it and all who live here, be they two-legged, four-legged, winged, finned or creepy crawly. May the love and respect continue.

(Written about our home and land in Pleasant Garden. Ray's daughter and husband will be living there now and we wish them abundant blessings).

30 June 2009

A small pathway went up the side so I hoisted my tripod and camera to my back and climbed a short distance to get a better view of the upper levels of water. As I stood in the cool mist, absorbing the lovliness, a tiny movement coming out from under a stream of water captured my eye. I followed the path of a tiny bird as she flew away from the rock face. 

In a moment, the same bird flew back and alighted on a tree branch. She paused, looked around and flew back under the tiny waterfall into a small opening in the craggy cliff. I stood and watched as this delightful little creature delivered food to obviously hungry babies and I wondered at the brilliance of creatures such as this mother bird. The absolute brilliance.

Then I looked around and saw the perfection of the place--lush, green trees, wet rocks, moss and creatures flittering, slithering and living there. I thought of the instinctual intelligence of the mother bird evidenced by her building a nest on a high cliff, under a small but steady stream of water. Predators could not enter the nesting cavity by land and very few would see it or be able to enter it by air. I felt a tremendous respect for her.

I praised not only the feathered madre but all of nature for the perfection in which It functions. There is an organizaing Intelligence that works harmoniously if left to its own devices. And what can be said of the supposed intelligence that interferes with and creates imbalance in such a living system of beauty? I can only think of one word: humans.

It is not my intention to human-bash but rather gently offer this to think about--why do we suppose we are the brightest, most intelligent beings on the planet when we, a collective of humans, have virtually maimed every ecosystem on Earth. In our arrogance and greed, we have failed. When we fail the Earth, we ultimately fail ourselves.

So let us pause. Let us offer praise to the organizing Intelligence, which is called God, Source, Spirit and a thousand other names--and let us ask forgiveness when we have failed in our stewardship to this garden planet. The nature of intelligence is that we can learn from our mistakes. And if we're really smart we'll learn to be good caretakers from the Intelligence of nature.

The soldiers spent yesterday at a dolphin facility dedicated to healing. As I stood on the platform and observed through my camera lens, I realized my heart was the real observer here. 

The therapists are the dolphins. Bella, shown with Dom (left) and a facilitator, worked her magic as she connected with a group of wounded soldiers. I'm not certain what her whistles and squeals meant, I only knew that the more I witnessed she and Dom interact, the more certain was I that dolphins are some of the most amazing beings on the planet.

A couple of hours watching with my heart didn't convince me of this fact. I've known it for years from my own wild dolphin encounters. This event simply reminded me of the absolute fact that dolphins are angels in sleek, gray bodies.

There were weather challenges all week that created obstacles and frustrations for us but the dolphins ignited a light-hearted spirit that cleared away any lingering frustrations. They have the ability to completely shift the mood of everyone around them.

As I reflect back on the week I look at the tremendous effort that so many put into helping wounded soldiers and their families heal and I am reminded that as a human family, we are here to help each other. There are no political lines or boundaries of countries with this Work. It doesn't matter if you are in support of the war or not. All things that separate us are erased as we come together to help our brothers and sisters heal. 

There have been many moments that have moved me deeply over the past week. As I reflect back, it is the shifts from, "I can't" to "I DID!" that touched me....when Dom came up from his first self-propelled scuba experience in the pool and simply said, "Brilliant!" as a smile covered his face; when Junior's smile lit up the ENTIRE beach at Pennecamp State Park as we sat in the water, ready for his first dive; hearing Jasmine talk of her self-propelled scuba experience in open water after struggling so much the first day. So many moments of transformation, so much empowerment.

Yes, dolphins are angels but I've met some volunteers who come close. Only through love and support do we as a human family erase our differences and come together to create a space for miracles to happen. 

There has been a very special story happening all week in Key Largo amid all the other special stories. Dominic, a soldier from the UK injured in a training accident and left with no use of his legs and very limited use of his arms, has learned how to use scuba gear and got to take a look underwater at Pennecamp State Park yesterday. After his week of hard work with instructors and safety divers, he is shown here taking a much deserved rest in a hammock at the Tuesday night dinner.

It has been a very busy week with little time to really think about just how amazing it has been. Can you imagine a person that has limited use of his limbs propelling himself through the water with a thruster attached to his tank? Sure there are three divers, two of which are instructors, with him, supporting him and helping him with skills like mask clearing and buoyancy....but can you think about how wonderful this is? Dom's word has been, "BRILLIANT!" 

I can hardly believe a week has past. How is it possible? We have not stopped to catch our collective breath but we have all had a most wonderful week. 

Never underestimate what a group of committed individuals can do to make a difference in the world. And never, ever dare to underestimate the soldiers who represent our collective militaries and what they can do to teach the rest of us about courage, valor, endurance, bravery and how to overcome incredible hardships.

I have witnessed severe physical injuries this week as I worked with divers. Limbs missing, spinal injuries, shrapnel scarring, muscles cut away and surgical scars...and sometimes emotional scars are visible. And yet the power of water brings about a transformation, not only in a positive emotional experience but in helping the physical body move freely in water. 

As a scuba instructor I have always found pleasure in teaching people how to enjoy the experience of being underwater. The more I work with the soldiers and their families recovering from the impact of injury, the more convinced I am of the absolute power of water, of scuba in particular, to assist in their recovery and healing. When you witness what we have this week with our soldier friends and their families, you see that this, this amazing form of recovery, is the REAL DEAL!

Today the wind and waves were a copy of yesterday...too choppy and rough to take our divers out. All but four had at least been underwater on the reef. We felt it was necessary, imperative, a must and absolutely-had-to-happen to give our other four divers an opportunity to go underwater in an open water environment. Our choices were not abounding but we settled on one that provided a safe entry, no waves, no current and the opportunity to go underwater in scuba gear: Pennecamp State Park. 

The park graciously allowed us to enter free of charge and we set up our divers in two locations. The first had a wheelchair pad all the way from the parking lot to the water's edge. Even though it was only four to five feet in depth, it proved to be the best choice for Dom, our British soldier who has no use of his legs and very limited use of his arms.

Junior, our sight-impaired diver, his adult son Richard and Jasmine, who walks with a prothesis and their instructors and crew went to another location within the state park  that had a depth of about 17 feet. Since I was Junior's instructor, I'll share our story.

In the photo above you'll notice Wes, a divemaster who has been working with Junior, on the left. In the center is Junior, a Vietnam Veteran and Simone is on the right...the instructor and author of this blog. This is just before we submerged beneath the surface. All of us are smiling because FINALLY Junior is going to dive in open water!!

The water was murky but it was salty, it was clean and there were fish, lobster and other crustaceans. But mostly there were bubbles and smiles and plans already being made for Junior and his son, Richard, to complete their open water course and receive their certifications. Junior is ready. 

The week has been very frustrating in that the wind and waves have simply not calmed themselves to aid in our goals. So we, as a staff, learned flexibility and adaptability. But the soldiers already had those skills. They simply helped us learn them.

The wounded soldiers may have physical challenges but I do not view them as disabled. They have learned to adapt to conditions in which they are placed. As I have written earlier this week, they are the real teachers here and we are the students. 

The question I leave readers with today is this:  What is a disability?

In my mind there is only ability....to be flexible, to adapt and to continue no matter what obstacles must be faced. 

(And yes....my mask is upside down and backwards....but...did you notice the SMILES?!?!?!?)

The waves would stop waving and you would have found,

Divers diving and scuba bubbles bubbling

But ocean conditions have been quite troubling.

The ocean was rolling and so was the boat,

We bounced and we bounced, rather than just float.

So we stayed on the boat and waited a while,

But the sea only gave us a bouncy smile.

Safety is first, of that there's no doubt,

Even though the instructors surely did pout.

We want our soldier friends to drop down beneathe,

To experience the fish, the eels and the reef.

We'll try again tomorrow, oh that is for sure!

Remember Eagle Divers, are sure to endure.

So think calm thoughts and wish with us now,

That they'll all be diving, some way, some how.